By Antoinette Johnson

EPISODE 33: “Lucifer’s Lawsuit & The Ego Olympics”

Sub-title: Who’s judging who… and why are Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise flexing in a divine courtroom?

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INT. HEAVENLY COURT OF CULTURE – DAY

Enter the divine courtroom decked out like a gold-trimmed award show mixed with Judge Judy meets Soul Train. The gavel is made of truth. The audience? A mix of angels, celebs, and gossip bloggers with spirit press passes.

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JUDGE MAYBELLINE vs. JUDGE HATCHETT – THE BENCH SHOWDOWN

They both walk in at the same time. Glitter gavel clackin’. Robes flowin’. Hair LAID.

JUDGE MAYBELLINE:
“I’ve done more TV appearances than gospel brunches, honey.”

JUDGE HATCHETT:
“And I’ve done more soul-saving than your favorite preacher’s side chick.”

ANTOINETTE (from the witness box):
“Y’all can’t BOTH be the queen of daytime drama court. Let the spirit decide!”

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SUDDEN INTERRUPTION – LUCIFER BURSTS IN WITH HIS LAWSUIT

LUCIFER (in a glittery suit):
“I’m suing Heaven for creative control! You took all my best talent — Prince, MJ, Whitney — and now you’re broadcasting love like a frequency I can’t hack!”

JUDGE HATCHETT:
“Sir, you had your own label. It was called ‘Bad Vibes Records.’ You lost your artists to the light.”

JUDGE MAYBELLINE:
“And your last mixtape? Not even the demons streamed it.”

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IN WALKS BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN – SINGING ‘UPTOWN GIRL’ (Random but Iconic)

He kicks open the doors, strums a heaven-blessed guitar, and belts a rock/soul version of “Uptown Girl” as the court rises to their feet.

JUDGE MAYBELLINE (fanning herself):
“Bruce could sing the Old Testament and I’d still throw my robe on stage.”

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SUDDENLY: BRAD PITT & TOM CRUISE ENTER – EGO OLYMPICS BEGIN

Brad slides in holding a mirror. Tom does a backflip off the jury stand.

BRAD:
“Let’s settle this once and for all: Who’s the better actor, heartthrob, and spirit magnet?”

TOM CRUISE (grinning):
“I ran in every Mission Impossible film. Brad just stood there lookin’ mysterious.”

BRAD (flexing):
“Mysterious wins Oscars, boo.”

*The angels start rating them like an episode of America’s Next Divine Top Model.

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CELEBRITY CAMEO JUDGES:

Tyler Perry: Holding a scorecard that says “Pray About It.”

Taraji P. Henson: “Whoever cooked more women dinner wins.”

Tisha Campbell: “This ain’t about abs, it’s about aura.”

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FINAL COURT VERDICT

ANTOINETTE (slamming golden gavel):
“This ain’t about who’s prettier, richer, or booked. This is divine court. We only judge soul impact, growth, and who can actually love without ego.

LUCIFER (sighing):
“Fine. But next time, I’m bringing my own judge.”

JUDGE HATCHETT:
“You’ll still lose, sugar.”

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CLOSING SCENE: GROUP THERAPY IN THE CELESTIAL GREEN ROOM

Brad, Tom, Bruce, and Lucifer sit in a circle with Antoinette, sipping emotional detox smoothies.

ANTOINETTE:
“Repeat after me: I am not my IMDB credits. I am not my followers. I am… healing.”

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