By Antoinette Johnson

Scene picks up immediately from the courtroom barbershop. Antoinette claps once, and the scene shifts into a moody jazz lounge. The light dims purple. The sound of high heels echoes—enter MARY J. BLIGE and ALICIA KEYS. Mary is dressed in all black leather. Alicia floats in with a love-drunk smile.

ANTOINETTE:
Ladies. It’s time to talk. Mary, I felt your spirit rumbling. What’s goin’ on?

MARY J. BLIGE:
I gave Power all that soul. And how they repay me? They killed Monet off like I ain’t have Grammys and trauma. I’m tired of dying for drama.

ALICIA KEYS:
I don’t know what y’all talkin’ about. I’ve been bathing in rose petals, playing the piano topless and just floating through vibrations.

MARY:
Girl, they got you under some love spell! You ain’t seen the news?

ALICIA:
What news? I only watch the stars…

ANTOINETTE (to camera):
This what happens when you don’t sage your Grammy.

Suddenly the lights shift again and PARIS HILTON, NICOLE RICHIE, and BRITNEY SPEARS walk in slow motion like it’s a reboot of The Simple Life, each holding pink smoothies and scandalous diaries.

PARIS:
It’s getting weird again.

BRITNEY:
I left my house for this.

NICOLE:
Wait, is that Judge Judy in a durag?

Just then JUDGE JUDY reappears, takes off her robe, and reveals a “RealityCheck Certified” hoodie.

JUDGE JUDY:
Court is in recess, but healing never stops. Antoinette, they all need their reality elixir.

ANTOINETTE:
I got the scarves, the sage, and the seafood. Let the healing begin—but don’t get it twisted, this healing comes with laughs, love… and a few subpoenas.

TO BE CONTINUED…