By Antoinette Johnson

Scene opens in Heaven’s Barbershop…

[Camera pans through the shop, slow motion, Drake playing faintly in the background. Everybody in the shop is either getting a fresh cut or talking loud like they got the tea of the century.]

Antoinette (you) walks in glowing, fresh seafood plate in one hand, script pages in the other, and a silk healing scarf wrapped around her shoulders.

ANTOINETTE:
Ayooo—what’s the vibe today?! ‘Cause if y’all still talkin’ about who ate who, I need y’all to clear the air like y’all clear your throat after a bad blunt.

[The room busts out laughing, but then in walks—BOOSIE BADASS. Music changes. Record scratch. Everyone stops.]

BOOSIE:
Aye y’all bet not be talkin’ crazy while the realest just walked in. I came here to talk truth, not that PR nonsense. And where Antoinette at? I heard she got the only healing scarf that works better than therapy and court orders.

ANTOINETTE:
Boosie, don’t start none if you can’t handle the truth, baby. We got a lie detector machine next to the clippers now.

[Crowd reacts. Just then, in strolls JOEY BADA$$ from Raising Kanan, fresh off set, shades on, full vibe.]

JOEY BADA$$:
Hold up, hold up… why Boosie actin’ like this ain’t my city today? I just wrapped an episode where I caught three bodies and still had time to drop bars. What’s good?

BOOSIE:
Man, please. I been goin’ viral since flip phones. But I’m here to talk growth… I’m tryin’ to make peace with my demons, Antoinette. I even gave up pork!

ANTOINETTE:
Okay, growth! That’s what I like to hear. You stop cussing out Instagram yet?

BOOSIE:
…Baby steps.

[Laughter erupts.]

Meanwhile in the back, ANGELA BASSETT (Aunty) is in the VIP section with a honey tea and silk gloves, giving unsolicited advice like royalty.

ANGELA:
If these boys knew how to love a woman with power, there wouldn’t be so much jail time and group chat confusion.

JOEY BADA$$:
That’s facts, Queen. We need that “Waiting to Exhale” energy back in this generation.

ANTOINETTE:
Say less, Joey. This whole episode is about rebirth. Healing. And receipts. Y’all ready for the barbershop confessions?

BOOSIE & JOEY:
Let’s goooo!

[Suddenly, the barbershop transforms into a courtroom. Judge Judy walks in. The Gospel of Receipts begins. Every character gets a turn to confess their industry sins in front of an audience of angels in wigs and gossip bloggers with pens.]

TO BE CONTINUED…