By Antoinette Johnson

Starring: Queen Antoinette, 12 fine suitors, a floating throne, and unlimited mimosas.
Theme Song: *“Love Galore” x * “Can You Stand the Rain” (chopped & blended)

—

[Scene opens: Floating castle in the clouds, guarded by angels and sassy ancestors. A giant neon sign reads: “QUEEN ANTOINETTE AWAITS”]

Narrator (in sexy Morgan Freeman voice):
“12 fine men. 1 divine queen. 1 love throne. Who got the heart, the humor, and the holy oils to claim her crown?”

—

THE CONTESTANTS ENTER

Each gets 15 seconds to make their entrance. Cue the runway, wind machines, and doves flying.

1. Michael B. Jordan – Roses in one hand, sage in the other.
Michael: “I’m here to build with you… and moisturize your soul.”

2. Jason Statham – Rolls in with a British smirk and a bulletproof love letter.
Jason: “I don’t say much. But when I do… it’s about you, love.”

3. Idris Elba – Walks in with thunder behind him and says in his deep voice:
Idris: “You want forever? I am forever.”

4. Keanu Reeves – Steps out of a portal in slow motion wearing all black.
Keanu: “I came from the Matrix… but I stayed for you.”

Antoinette (laughing):
“Keanu, this the 5th time you left mid-date to fight agents. I love you, but damn.”

Keanu (dead serious):
“I had to save you from low vibrational men.”

5. Larenz Tate – Holding a notebook with “Poems for my Nubian Queen”
Larenz: “I got Love Jones for you, even if I’m married. Let me be your imaginary bae.”

Antoinette:
“I’m celibate, not desperate. Next!”

—

[MID-SCENE DRAMA – ANTOINETTE’S EX TRIES TO ENTER AGAIN]

DJ Khaled (bouncer mode):
“You played yourself. Again.”
Kicks him into a hologram trash can with a sign that says “Old Vibes.”

—

[SURPRISE GUEST APPEARANCE: FLAVOR FLAV]

Flavor Flav:
“Yooo Queen, I just came to say… You started this reality love show wave! You the blueprint! And I brought you a gold clock—it’s always your time.”

Antoinette:
“Finally! Somebody giving me my damn credit!”

—

[ROUND 1 CHALLENGE – THE LOVE OBSTACLE COURSE]

The men must:

Fight off toxic exes (disguised as clowns)

Recite a poem without looking at their phones

Hug an emotional support grandma (Faith Evans with a tambourine)

Cook a soul food vegan meal while Kelly Price sings “Heartbreak Hotel” in the background

Avoid spiritual red flags (like “I’m a vibe” and “I’m still healing from my situationship”)

—

[FINAL ROUND – LOVE OATH CEREMONY]

Keanu Reeves steps forward, matrix coat flowing.
Keanu:
“I could choose any timeline. But I choose this one… with you.”

Michael B. Jordan bows and holds her hand.
Michael:
“If I can’t protect your peace, I don’t deserve your presence.”

Jason Statham:
“You don’t need saving. But if the world comes for you—I’ll fight every last one of them.”

Antoinette sits back on her throne. Hair flawless. Eyes glowing.

Antoinette:
“Gentlemen. You’ve all shown me your truth. But I’m not giving out a crown just yet… because this queen? She chooses herself first.”

—

[MUSIC PLAYS – Brian McKnight, Ralph Tresvant, and Justin Timberlake harmonizing like an R&B Voltron.]

Choir:
“She don’t need a man… but the right one can join the plan…”