By Antoinette Johnson

[SCENE: Abandoned warehouse converted into a “Rehabilitation Center for Dusty Men” – hosted by Judge Mathis, Auntie Tabitha, and DJ Khaled]

Bootcamp Motto:
“If you got steak energy, stop acting like a peanut butter sandwich.”

—

Fake Friend’s Ex (Carlton) stands up to tell his story to the group therapy circle:

Carlton (emotional):
“She kicked me out, man… I was the one paying rent, and she fed me a peanut butter & jelly sandwich—on the heel of the bread! Then gave Broadway a steak and some asparagus!”

DJ Khaled (shaking head):
“You played yourself.”

Auntie Tabitha:
“And that’s your own fault, baby. Now go find your peace… and get a job with benefits.”

—

Broadway (still shirtless, lifting weights shaped like microphones):

“I ain’t never needed no PB&J! I’m filet mignon, baby!”

Judge Mathis:
“No, sir, you are expired bologna with a SoundCloud subscription. Sit DOWN.”

—

[Sudden DRAMATIC TURN – Fake Friend walks in, trying to cry with dry eyes]

Fake Friend:
“I just… I just didn’t know who I was back then.”

Danielle (steps in):
“You knew how to make steak though, didn’t you?”

Michelle (grabs mic):
“Put her in the cry closet. She on timeout.”

—

CLOSING SCENE: Antoinette walks through the bootcamp, crown shining, slow-mo, as fake friends clean toilets and write apology letters.

Antoinette (to the camera):
“God gave me a throne—not a therapist license. Y’all gon’ learn today.”

—

NEXT EPISODE TEASE:

The Love Finalists — Idris, Keanu, and a NEW mysterious billionaire with bedroom eyes and a secret power.
Plus: Fake Friends vs Real Sisters: The Spiritual Smackdown.