As the platforms continue bickering, the sound of a dial-up modem suddenly echoes through the room. Everyone turns, confused, as an ancient, pixelated figure shuffles in.*

Friendster: [adjusting their suspenders] “Well, look who forgot about the OGs. I was connecting people before some of you were even in beta!”

MySpace: [smirking] “Finally, someone who gets it. Back in the day, we didn’t need filters or hashtags—just raw, unpolished friendship.“

Instagram: [taking a selfie] “Sorry, what’s ‘raw’? Does it come with a filter option? Asking for a friend.”

Before Friendster can respond, the door bursts open again, and a faint whiff of artificial citrus scent wafts in. In steps a sleek figure clutching a Google-branded planner.

Google+: [brushing off imaginary dust] “Sorry I’m late. I had… uh… ‘plans’ that didn’t pan out.”

Facebook: [trying not to laugh] “Plans? Weren’t you… shut down because no one showed up?”

Google+: [huffing] “At least I tried to innovate! Unlike you, Facebook, whose entire vibe is like an awkward family reunion nobody wants to attend.”

Snapchat: [whispers to TikTok] “Oof. Shots fired.”

The lights flicker again, and an ominous hum fills the room as a holographic figure materializes in the center.

Clippy: [grimacing] “Back again. Looks like you’re struggling with unresolved issues. Want me to create a diagram for that?”

Twitter: [yelling] “NO ONE ASKED YOU, CLIPPY!”

In the midst of the chaos, the unmistakable AOL “You’ve Got Mail!” chime rings out. Everyone groans as a loud, overly enthusiastic voice echoes.

AOL: [shouting] “HEY EVERYONE! JUST CHECKING IN! I’M STILL ALIVE, BTW.”

Pinterest: [sipping a latte] “Someone mute them before they start spamming chain emails.”

Meanwhile, TikTok is teaching Snapchat a new viral dance move called “The Algorithm Shuffle,” and Instagram is desperately angling for better lighting to film the drama. Threads awkwardly raises a hand.

Threads: [meekly] “Um, can I just… be part of the group? Like, a sidekick or something?”

Twitter: [snarling] “You’ll never be me! I’m the one everyone hates to love and loves to hate. Deal with it!”

Friendster: [grumbling] “Back in my day, we didn’t have ‘hate-following.’ It was just regular, wholesome ignoring.”

As the platforms descend further into chaos, the room starts vibrating. The door creaks open one last time…

Club Penguin: [sternly] “EVERYONE FREEZE. There are rules here, and you’re all about to be banned.”

---